Spider Infestation: I want spiders in my house about as much as I want pubic lice, but I’m not terrified of the possibility. My wife, on the other hand, thinks every spider she kills in the garage is a Brazilian Wandering Spider. This fear has also clouded her judgment on size and shape.
“I stepped on a spider the size of a golf ball,” she said. I can’t confirm this, but I highly doubt it.
“Quick, go look on the glue board behind the washer. There’s a spider stuck to it the size of a big mac— I told you we’re infested,” she blurted….. I go look and it was barely the size of a nickel. I was about to write all of this off as paranoia until my uncle was bitten by a spider in his sleep. Nevermind the fact that he lives 20 miles away, a fucking spider bit his neck while he was sleeping. Now I’m on board!
I want glue boards in the vents of every room in this house. I’m going to spray the baseboards and behind every piece of furniture. I’m going to get a handle on this before it’s too late. No midnight neck bite for me.