Random Thought: Spider Infestation.


Spider Infestation: I want spiders in my house about as much as I want pubic lice, but I’m not terrified of the possibility. My wife, on the other hand, thinks every spider she kills in the garage is a Brazilian Wandering Spider. This fear has also clouded her judgment on size and shape.

“I stepped on a spider the size of a golf ball,” she said. I can’t confirm this, but I highly doubt it.

“Quick, go look on the glue board behind the washer. There’s a spider stuck to it the size of a big mac— I told you we’re infested,” she blurted….. I go look and it was barely the size of a nickel. I was about to write all of this off as paranoia until my uncle was bitten by a spider in his sleep. Nevermind the fact that he lives 20 miles away, a fucking spider bit his neck while he was sleeping. Now I’m on board!

I want glue boards in the vents of every room in this house. I’m going to spray the baseboards and behind every piece of furniture. I’m going to get a handle on this before it’s too late. No midnight neck bite for me.




One thought on “Random Thought: Spider Infestation.

  1. She’s hilarious with her vivid and descriptive adjectives. Annnnd…I don’t blame her one bit. If she wants true to form size as she’s describes, she should visit Australia as well. Those babies are HUGE! Tiny spiders or not, that pack a punch. A deadly punch!


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