Acronyms: I work for a big corporation, well, a medium-sized company that is a cog in the corporate machine. On the off chance that some corporate bigwig that I don’t know, or give a shit about, stumbles upon this, I’ll leave the corporation unnamed.
Since I now work in the office and am privy to all the corporate emails, I’ve noticed one thing that is alarming— they use a fuck ton of acronyms. I mean a lot! CDRs and CMSs… What the fuck is an AIDA? Nevermind, I don’t give a fuck. I spend an hour each day trying to decode this shit. I mean come on, I’m not Robert Langdon.
Dog Shit: I’ve mentioned in a previous blog that my chihuahua puppy named Lulu is a shit monster, well, she’s a turd burglar as well. Don’t google “turd burglar.” Trust me on this.
By turd burglar I mean she runs behind my rat terrier and snips at the terriers’s ass while she’s trying to poop. This causes my terrier to try to run and poop at the same time. I don’t know what she’s doing, maybe she’s upset because the rat terrier is pooping outside and not on the carpet like she does.
Patience: At least once a month my wife tells me I’m impatient. I swerve around slow movers on the freeway, walk at a pace that could be considered a run, and huff and puff when I’m in line behind someone that is paying for their groceries with a check. Come on people, it’s 2016, who the fuck uses checks at the grocery store?
You’re god damned right I’m impatient. Time is the most important thing we have. I want to maximize my time doing shit that I want to do, not driving 5mph under the speed limit and watching people fumble with their checkbooks.
Come on people, get your shit together, you’re really fucking up my free time!