The Urinal Man



I work with a man who feels compelled to talk to me while I’m Peeing. He rarely says anything useful, as a matter of fact, he never does. Sometimes he just talks about peeing.

I work with 500 people and he’s just another face that I don’t know. I started off by calling him the urinal man. After some deep reflection, and some careful consideration for the urinal man’s feelings, I decided to call him Billy. I figured he’d like it better.

I always seem to run into Billy, it makes me wonder just how much time he’s spending in the restroom. I usually have to interact with him daily; this morning was no different. Here’s how it went….

Billy the urinal man: Peeing already?

Me: Yep.

Billy the urinal man: What, you have too much coffee?

Me: I’m just peeing  (Said in a shitty tone)

The divider between the urinals is so low that you can see the skull of the person next to you.  When I’m unfortunate enough to end up next to Billy, he talks to me while staring at the side of my head. I look forward and pee. I don’t know if he’s trying to make eye contact, but all he does is make me feel weird.

I’ve made up my mind. Next time Billy speaks to me I’m going to confront him and ask him his name. I’m also going to ask him why he can’t keep his fucking mouth shut while he’s peeing. Feelings may be hurt, but I guarantee I will be able to pee in peace when it’s over.



3 thoughts on “The Urinal Man

  1. Oh, there’s no need for confrontation. Next time, simply go on and on about how Scientology has changed your life and how much you’d love to get him to a meeting.

    If he’ s a Scientologist, tell him how much you love your shrink.


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