Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s divorce: When two people morph into something called Brangelina, It is time to call it quits. Who gives a fuck?
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton: Good god it can’t end quick enough! I’m so tired of seeing these people. I wish we could just skip the election and have them compete at something. I don’t know, maybe a foot race, or bonging beers, or a foot race after bonging beers. The winner is the next president.
The Emmys: I didn’t even realize that the Emmys happened. Enough Said!
Samsung’s exploding batteries: It’s a fucking phone. Take it back and get one that doesn’t explode. Non-exploding phones are out there, trust me, I have one.