I Started Wearing My Sunglasses Indoors

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Wearing sunglasses indoors is generally frowned upon in polite society, that’s exactly why I started doing it. I wear them in grocery stores, gas stations, and the library— everywhere. It drives people nuts; their suspicion level automatically rises.

Once I was asked to take them off at the grocery store. I was in line trying to buy a six pack of Bell’s Two Hearted Ale when the lady at the register became agitated with me. She said “you need to take your glasses off.” Apparently they hindered her ability to match me to my ID photo.

I faked like I had a rare eye disease; I just made some shit up. “Ma’am, I have gloconosis” I said in a serious tone — she frowned, “If I take these off right now, the bright light in here will have me in a fetal position crying like a baby.” She didn’t like this response and the several people in line behind me were becoming irritated with the scene.

The lady looked once more at my ID, rolled her eyes, and to the dismay of the people behind me, she sold me the beer. The other patrons were obviously rooting for me to lose this showdown. I wasn’t going to give in. I would have left the beer and walked out before taking my glasses off. I’m a very stubborn man.

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