My Rat Terrier Is F***ing Crazy


The piranha-like creature in the photo above is my dog. The photo was taken during one of the numerous times that she’s attacked my German Shepherd. Piranha dog gives up 50 lbs to the Shepherd but it doesn’t stop her. She attacks often and without reason. The Shepherd thinks she’s playing.

Over the years, piranha dog has existed in various states of craziness. Though she’s calmer now in her old age, she used to be nuts. On a crazy scale of 1 to 10, she ran at about an 11. Here are some examples.

Leap of Faith: It was a nice day and I decided to take the mutts down to the park. We’ve made the five-minute trip numerous times and I would always let piranha dog stand on my leg and look out the half-open window.  This trip was the last time that I made that mistake.

I was driving 25 mph when piranha dog spotted a squirrel. The squirrel ran. Piranha dog took the leap and face-planted on the asphalt. I locked up the brakes and jumped out in a panic. She shook her head and ran to me.

She had road rash on her head and a bloody nose. I was almost to the park, I decided to proceed and check her out more thoroughly. When I opened the door she bolted like nothing was wrong. That was 7 years ago.

Drunken Rat Terrier Olympics: One summer night I was mowing the yard. I had an opened rolling rock sitting on the porch and every couple of laps, I would take a pull. I had only taken two drinks out of it when piranha dog got a hold of it.

I was rounding the back corner of my house when I noticed the green bottle on its side. My dog had her tongue lapping into the bottle like a giraffe. The beer bottle was empty and there was no standing beer on the porch. She drank all of it.

I didn’t think much of it until I got closer and seen her wild eyes. She bolted. She started running laps around the house full speed. She had about 4 laps in when I decided to try to stop her.

I was having no luck catching her and at this point she was on lap 6. I don’t know why she was running laps, nor do I know why I wanted to stop her. I just know that the whole ordeal seemed crazy.

She rounded the corner on lap 8 with her tongue dragging. Suddenly she dropped. I thought that she was having a heart attack. When I got to her, I swear she looked like she was smiling. She rolled around a little then ran off to sober up.

Sober Rat Terrier Olympics: The way the living room was situated, the recliner was about 5 feet from the armrest of the couch. Piranha dog must have thought that she was competing in the long jump because she attempted the leap.

She was wound up, running around the living room jumping on and off of the couch repeatedly. She jumped on the couch, backed to the end furthest from the recliner, and took off running. She hit the armrest at full speed, launched herself at the recliner, and face-planted onto the hardwood floor. She got to her feet and bolted out of the living room.

The Great Chicken Heist: I was really looking forward to a nice chicken salad for lunch— I didn’t get it, thanks to piranha dog. This time she convinced my German Shepherd to partake in the mischief.

The ding of the oven said that the chicken was done. I pulled it out and set it in the counter. I turned my back and pulled a few things out of the refrigerator. When I turned around the chicken was still there. I began chopping lettuce and preparing the rest of the food when I noticed that there were no paper towels handy. I went to the pantry to get some— that was my mistake.

When I came through the pantry doorway, the Shepherd was standing on her back legs swatting at the chicken with her front paws. I headed toward her yelling “bad girl.” She took one final swat and connected with the chicken breast. It fell to the floor.

Piranha dog came barreling out from under the kitchen table like she was fired out of a cannon. She snatched up the piping hot chicken breast, which was bigger than her head, and took off into the living room. She went behind the couch with it. I started pulling it away from the wall and she kept burrowing in deeper. By the time I got to her, the whole chicken was gone. She must have swallowed it whole. No chicken salad for me. No chicken for the Shepherd.

There are too many stories like this to share. I really do wonder what’s going through that dog’s head. Even now, at 12 years old, she catches the crazy bug and causes mischief. There’s not much that can be done once the madness takes over this dog.

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